andrew
1. First: The break up.
Probably for a ridiculous reason because you’re perfect and who in their right mind would want to dump you anyway?
2. For 5 seconds, you think about maybe taking the high road.
… But then, No.
3. You start questioning the point of relationships in general.
A good friend will listen and agree with everything you say, even if they know you don’t mean a word of it.
4. You trash talk every “cliche” of love there is.
And then probably go home and watch ‘The Notebook’.
5. You come up with the perfect plan so this will never happen again.
This plan will be forgotten the instant you see a good-looking person.
[dfp1]
6. You start amping yourself up for the dating world again.
Even though you swore up and down that you were “done”.
7. You start excusing away your faults.
The mags said the breakup diet would help you lose weight, so why did that pizza go straight to my ass?
8. And explaining that you’re an adult and Harry Potter is still a huge part of your life.
9. Ok, time to start dating again….
And its going to get awkward….
10. But somehow you always seem to locate the weirdos.
Real awkward.
[dfp2]
11. You’re confused how you landed in this position.
You are perfect, after all.
12. And then you discover that somebody you know is in the same predicament.
13. You point out the obvious. They know already.
14. And since you’re both emotionally jacked up, you combine forces for intellectual solutions.
15. You’re reminded that you’re probably the only person in the country not getting laid.
[dfp3]
16. Suddenly your date comes up with a great idea.
17. You start making the deal.
If this is going to work, you need to lay all the rules out on the table.
18. You give him one last chance to back out, seriously, think about this.
19. But of course you’re both just thinking about getting some ass so the deal is sealed.
20. You start laying down ground rules.
[dfp4]
21. And since you don’t need to impress, you can tell them all the bizarre, freaky things you like that you couldn’t tell your ex.
This is gunna get weird…
22. Of course, there’s some road blocks.
23. But overall, it wasn’t a bad game for the team.
Now that it’s out of your system, you can move on with your life. Right?
24. Wrong. You’re probably going to want to do it again.
And again. And again.
25. Now everything seems right in the world.
[dfp1]
26. Then of course, someone starts to catch feelings.
A.k.a. your worst nightmare.
27. The other person probably doesn’t feel the same
28. Then they realize they’re in love with you.
29. And y’all live happily ever after.
30. Lol. JK, the last two were a fat lie, you’re both probably definitely back to square one.
